The Fighter Within.

I sit down, badly beaten, I know I’ve been here before,

Overwhelmed by these feelings, that rock me to my core.

The hard punches, the ruthless kicks, whips from your leather belt,

If only you stopped yourself sometimes, to understand how I felt?

 

What pleasure you get from beating me, I just cannot comprehend,

Cause when I married you, I didn’t know that this is how it’d end.

When I first fell in love with you, you were so gentle and so tender,

treated me like your equal, and never hated me for my gender.

 

The voice which never shook before, reaches a fiercely high pitch,

“You’re useless, you never work, you whining dirty bitch!”

How am I supposed to know why your feelings changed track?

and why a loving husband like you would now viciously attack?

 

Do you feel really powerful when you push me to the ground?

Would you still dare to do the same if there were other people around?

Why would you hide from your love, the better of your two faces?

The one I lived and could die for, but now gone without any traces.

 

The hands which held mine, in the worse of times made me well,

Now thoughtlessly hurt me, show me how it’s like being in hell.

Atleast make me understand on which road I took the wrong turn?

Just please don’t hurt me like you do, these scars do really burn.

 

More than my disfigured body, it’s my mind which is in pain,

To see you treat your wife not like a boon but a devil’s bane.

These wounds and the bruises aren’t just on the realms of my skin,

They line every inch of my body, but hurt me worse from within.

 

The reason I don’t hit back is i’m finding that person from before

And I don’t mind enduring pain, nursing these bones which go sore.

Sometimes I feel like letting go, drinking your medicine to give you a taste,

Heating an iron rod on the stove, then beating YOUR bones to a paste.

 

But I can’t do it, cause in front of love my revenge seems to simmer,

And I’ll keep holding on to you, even if the light grows any dimmer.

Believe me, you’ve already given me a million reasons to hate,

But as a favour to my promises, I will keep quiet and wait.

 

I’ll wait till you’ll throw your rage, to a place where it can’t be found,

When I can sleep next to you on the bed, without being pushed around.

But until that fateful day, I’ll look for anything that I can hold,

To resist all this built up temptation, to stand up and be bold.

 

I’ll try and find that dark corner in your soul, where I’ve always wanted to live,

where I can be who I am in reality, where all my respect for you I can give.

I’m still trying to look but the snap of your belt puts me back in my place,

Makes me feel like I’m running in quicksand, against time in a race.

 

I’m ready to keep running provided you’re ready to eat your pride

I’m wiling to run on broken glass, barefoot with both my feet tied.

All I ask is for you to find yourself, and quickly give my life back,

before I put my own happiness first, because then I just might crack.

 

Even though I’m crying in silence, if I can continue I have a doubt,

Please come back to me now, before my love and strength run out.

I’m not quiet because I’m weak, I cry in silence because I choose,

So don’t underestimate this fighter, because one day she might let loose.

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About thedevastateddreamer

The world is on its knees. How far can you crawl? View all posts by thedevastateddreamer

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